Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Socialization for the non-social

I haven't the faintest clue how to even DO it...

Work is easy... Socializing with work people around work things is easy...

The rest of it?

Totally at a loss...

Don't care most of the time...

Except when I do...

Monday, January 24, 2011

I've never wanted to be famous...

I've never wanted all those people LOOKING at me...

There's a certain freedom in anonymity...

That doesn't really stop me from wanting to do something AMAZING...

I'm just not sure I'd like the fallout if I did...

Saturday, January 15, 2011

If I'm going to forget to breathe...


More Duckie - 1, originally uploaded by karenturner.

It might as well be because I'm doing something creative...

Today could not have come too soon!

I'm not working...

My honey is home...

I want to capture these moments in little bubbles and keep them handy for then next time I just want to say 'screw it!!'

Friday, January 14, 2011

So I failed in my bid to just breathe today...

I've reached a limit of sorts over here and now I have slipped from despair to anger...

I've jumped across a line and am in the run-away place...

I just don't know what to do with it...

I know I won't stay here... But I don't know what else to do...

I'm done... done done done...

Only I know I'm not... I know that my only choice is to replace 'this' with 'that'...

And we know how well that works...

Frick!

Today is a good day to take a deep breath...

Day 55 - TGIF

Today is no different than yesterday from a stopping and breathing perspective...

I'm just tired of the stress and the angst and the drama...

So today is for relaxing, deep breaths, cleansing, centering...

I don't feel very good at this whole life thing right now...

But I can learn...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I am clearly doing this wrong...

In a world of zeros and ones...

It doesn't pay to 'do the right thing'...

It only pays to do the stuff that nets you a 1...

Regardless of who you screw over...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

All you need to know that I'm a 2 times 5


So easy to remind OTHER people of...

So hard to remember yourself...

Letting go of something not horrible, but not-quite-right is still one of the hardest things to do...

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Lonely and sad today...

rainy day

Which makes no sense...

The sun is shining...

I'm not alone...

It's not even fall...

Stupid well... You're not even following the RULES!!

How am I supposed to package this all up nice and neat if you won't stay PUT!! :p

Thursday, January 6, 2011

You don't want me anymore...

So why do I still care?

It's not really what I want either...

But you are still in my head... And I look for you at inopportune times (is there an opportune time for such a thing?)...

I'm not a stalker, but I can understand the motivation...

You are still in my head...

I still miss you...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Comfort food of the day...

Domestic Goddess - Sweet Potato Risotto

Sweet potato risotto...

Made from stuff I already had on hand...

You KNOW you're foodie if you have all the ingredients for vegetarian sweet potato and scallion risotto just hanging out waiting for you to THINK of making it...  And you actually DO!

:D

(Photo is not mine... I'm too busy eating!!)

Oh it's back to work...

I hate that...

I could feel the panic fluttering around the edges last night...

don'twannadon'twannadon'twannadon'twanna

Still working from home for half a week is a good way to ease into it...

And it sure beats the alternative...

Besides, I'd get bored soon... (Soonish? Eventually? Are you convinced? Me neither...)

I'd STILL rather be cooking...  But there's no one here to shop... or do the dishes...

Maybe I'll review my current credit card statement for motivation...

AAACK!  That's right... I can barely afford me... THAT'S motivation...

Off to the salt mines... :p

Monday, January 3, 2011

You're right, I'm not like that...

Falling Waterdrops Blue #1

I'm not like anything...
I do like the things that are mine to be just mine...

The bits and pieces given like gifts...   The thing that makes the special, special...
That doesn't mean you can force something to be yours...

Either it is or it isn't...
So I don't judge... Just watch...
If it's mine it will be mine...  If it's not it won't...

Is that ok?  Is it enough?  That depends...
On how much capacity, longing and want I have at any one time...

That's not to say I'm selfless (far from it)...
Or even particularly tolerant (I'm not)...

That's not to say I can't be hurt...
Just that I probably wouldn't tell you if I was...
That's my biggest weakness you know...

I do fight for the things that are mine... 

But only as long as they are...

Stealing a bit of peace and calmness...

Day 15 - Blessed Caffeine

The upside of having my last transaction of 2010 bleed so far into the holiday that I almost missed the whole thing is that I can sort of make up for it by stealing a couple of days on the back end...

I SO would not be ready to go back today...

That's not to say I haven't already spent the morning wading through my email...  It's just that I don't HAVE to...

The Christmas decorations (what there were of them) are put away, the house is quiet and I am able to sleep again...

Today will be a good day to clean, organize and purge in my physical world to match the work started in the land of things-to-be...

There is a easiness in my bones that I haven't felt in a long time... 

I think it's going to be a very good year... :)

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Un-Resolution...

Dreamscape

The new year is like a clean sheet of paper...

Pure, clean, full of possibilities...

It's the perfect time for a fresh start, for letting go of the old and releasing new goals, wants and desires into the universe...

I always like to think about what I want for the new year,  what I want to work on, to accomplish...

To be...

But not this year...

This year I am going to take some time...

Let the stillness of winter wash through me like ice water slides down a parched and fevered throat...

Rather than call the energy to me and shape it into my intentions for the next year, I'm going to let it wash over and through me carrying away a lifetime of accumulated debris...

Leaving every cell clean, and refreshed...

And strong...

I'll let it settle around me in a swirl of bright white...  Incubation without form...

And then...  Maybe in the spring...

I'll take another look and see what I have created...

And determine where to go from there...